The Election Aftermath

In real time, I'm looking at digital carnage that will change reality in a way that it never has before, somehow more horrifying than my online Visa statement. I’m watching friendships implode on Facebook as my buddies cast each other out into the street during the aftermath of Election Day. How could you have been Facebook friends with so many stupid people in the first place?

Thank goodness for this election, right? It has really sorted out who’s who, and the ‘Unfriend’ button has never been easier to use. Bink! It’s like a pair of schoolkids who fold their arms decisively and say, ‘Doodoo head. I’m not your fwiend no more’.

The reality is this: An election year does not suddenly tune up your idiot radar. The ballots don’t work like the tides to roll in a social epiphany. The stars have not aligned to beam the light of true friendship into your moist little eyeballs. In short… those are your friends, man. They are diverse in their culture, their fears and their religion.That's where their awesome came from.

I voted for Obama. There. But I still like pug-faced puppies and I love to shoot guns. My skin crawls when the babies of strangers put their mouths on the grocery cart. I love Star Trek and Star Wars; equally. Sewing by hand is one of my favorite pastimes; in my head I pretend I'm Betsy Ross. I own a swear jar, and it’s halfway full. I feel very small every time my husband goes away with the National Guard. I could sing you a Beatles song right now… all of them; but I don’t math so good. I like to prune tomato plants by pinching off the growth between two branches, just like my dad showed me. I can type a bajillion words per minute. I would eat peanut butter for hours if my husband didn’t take it away from me. I make wishes at every possible opportunity. There’s so much more about me. I’m delightful and repulsive. So are your buddies.

I can’t think of one friendship I have that budded over a conversation about politics. So, I don’t think I’ll be ending any friendships over politics… on Facebook of all things. I do have friendships that have waned due to a strained, real life conversation about our views. But I sure as hell didn't throw my drink in their face and show them the door.

I dare you, nay, double dog dare you… to call before you dump. Before you unfriend those you’ve cherished over the years for all of the other reasons, make contact outside of the internet. A real conversation is valuable. And a conversation, unlike a sarcastic eCard, is a valid way to determine whether or not you still want to invest time in your friendship. If you don't want to call them... then why are you sharing photos of your food with them?

If you’ve dumped them because of their Farmville posts, then carry on. 

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